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Humor Joke 幽默笑話

中國日報網英語點津為您精選語言地道的英語笑話，開心學英語。

取而代之

2012-07-19 08:55
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. "So, what is it?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died," said the attorney, "and I want to take his place."

微笑繳稅

2012-07-18 09:59
A: I hate paying my income tax. B: You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? A: I'd like to but they insist on money!

悶屁

2012-07-17 10:13
A man walks into the doctor's office with a serious problem. "Doctor, I've had problems with silent gas emissions. At home, work, and even at church, I release tons of silent farts everywhere I go! ...

美還是丑

2012-07-16 10:02
Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter? Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.

雌雄難辨

2012-07-13 09:24
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

螺旋槳的作用

2012-07-10 09:41
A: "What's the purpose of the propeller?" B: "To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!"

不捐款的理由

2012-07-09 09:54
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.

上帝住在哪里

2012-07-05 10:28
Teacher: Where does God live? Student: I think he lives in our bathroom. Teacher: Why do you say that? Student: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, "God, are you still in there?"

寶貝吞下了子彈

2012-07-04 10:18
Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do?" Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."

為什么女人話多

2012-07-03 10:04
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while...

最懶的人

2012-06-19 09:52
A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. "I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up." Nine hands went up...

買得越多越便宜

2012-06-18 09:57
Deciding to do some back-yard landscaping, my father-in-law went to the brickyard to buy quantity of brick. When he asked the salesclerk about the cost, the man replied. "The more you buy, the cheaper they are."

不是迷信的時候

2012-06-14 10:25
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

請你來玩狗

2012-06-12 10:20
A: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him? B: Well, I don't know---does he bite? A: That's what I want to find out.

為什么血不流向腳

2012-06-07 10:37
A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this? B: It's because your feet aren't empty.

分發口香糖

2012-06-05 11:03
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?"

我讓奶奶高興了

2012-05-30 10:09
A Sunday-school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," she said, "has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?" "Please, teacher," said a small boy, "I've made someone glad yesterday."

神奇的眼鏡

2012-05-25 09:20
Patient: Doc, will I be able to read with these glasses? Doc: You sure will. Patient: That's great! I never could read before.

嫉妒

2012-05-24 09:51
Two friends were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you? " Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around...

閉上眼睛

2012-05-07 09:51
On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed. "What's the matter? Are you sick?" "No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."

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